Jeremy's June 24 entry has finally allowed me some critical distance to deal with my unnameable melancholia, ennui, abyss -- whatever you want to call it. For two years, I have been swinging between anger and sadness, a process which has slowly engulfed me in a gigantic insecurity which I've tried to address with frenzies of working out and projecting my issues onto others. I have not been prepared to deal with being a married adult. Luckily, I'm getting much better and can turn around, because my wife Jessica and I are actually the kind of people that should be married, who have a caring, fond attachment to each other for no readily explainable reason.
Funny, my counselor wasn't really reading this primary problem of depression on my person. I think I'll write these things out, then he'll be better able to lead me in a direction that'll normalize me.
Well, I'm sorry that Jeremy hasn't exactly had a ball of a time here in Tucson, and I'll admit that Jess and me got more out of his presence than he got out of ours. We are, sadly, a strong case against young people getting married, but I expect we'll be one of those "good marriages" soon enough. Commitment is good. But Jeremy is such a perceptive young man, who feels so deeply, and yet is so impassive and genial that his genius is almost unreadable. Yet I am happy to have him as a friend, truly.
G-d bless you, Mr. Groskopf, even if your name means "bigheaded" in the German.
The truthful diagnosis I've been waiting two years for...
No profanes - sacred