I'm in a confessional mode. This was a response to a question.
Oh, we've been married and living together for 1.5 years, together since 2001. "Married too young," we both say. I like her, but we're different people with very different ideas about things, but we have the same "values," if that means anything (upper-middle class liberal Democrat aspirations, in other words). I am very active with bicycling, lifting weights, playing basketball; I save money for "big" experiences--like travel--and to maintain my active lifestyle. My wife exhausts herself with work and stress, veges out to offset those things, and spends money on objects, and not only does not save, but uses the credit she has to accumulate objects, like the $1800 in furniture she just bought (and is likely totally unable to pay off). She has dreams--literally--about big purchases, like a new mattress, and work-related stresses. I have dreams--literally--about sex, sports glory, language, and being in the spotlight.
We are attached to each other; I really miss her when she's gone, but strongly resent that she assumes she needs to "take care of me" and "mother" me because I'm not "functional" without her. Absurd assumptions of hers. I expect independence; she expects interdependence. Lately we've been talking more frankly about our situation, which is very freeing, because she is insecure about many things, so thus expects me to take on a steadfast, reliable man role, while what I really value is placelessness, freedom from attachment, and simple epicurean pleasures. I don't volunteer, but hey, I teach. Thanks for the question. Good for me to think about these things. --adam