Here's what I want my dissertation to be about: literary tropes and the history of tobacco. A book-length study of the literary use of tobacco does not exist. From Oroonoko having his limbs hacked away while smoking a pipe of tobacco (Oroonoko by Aphra Behm) to Hans Castorp's beloved Maria Mancinis (Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann) to Tyler Durden's post-fight smoke in Fight Club, not only has tobacco been a literary trope but also a story catalyst and theme in and of itself. Okay, I don't know if this will hold up in the academy, but I'm a full six years away from having to worry about such things. Is this a horrible idea, dear Reader?