Dear Coffee,

We have not had this talk, but I felt that we needed to have it. I just wanted to say that, uh, I really care about you. You mean a lot to me, and I think about you at night when I go to bed. You are a thing of pleasure and grace early in the morning. Today, I got up, took a shower and brushed my teeth, and took my dog Ellie for a walk. And then when I got back, and grinded up your beans and drank (quaffed?) you with my breakfast of bagel and eggs, I think it hit me. You are the one for me. Now I am currently drinking you, and you are giving me a feeling of alertness. No, there is no alterity here. We are one in the same!

I can only begin to sing your praises, and your praiseworthiness. I believe that the ideal song for you would go far, far beyond the tawdry "The best part of wakin' up...is Folger's in your cup." We both know that this is not an accurate description of what you mean to me and so many others. The phrase assumes that coffee is in essence a product, something to be consumed, and thus Other. But you and me--there's no alterity! The capitalist system may have brought you from Brazil and Vietnam to me, but the essence is not there. It's here--yes, I must admit it. I love you. In summation, the paean to you will be much more than mid-20th Century product jingle. It will burn on--it will soar and take your worshippers with it. It will be a pure representation of the highest of cultural achievements, on a par with Homer, Plato, Dante, Newton, Coleridge, Byron, Joyce and Einstein. Such is your achievement.

So here is to you, coffee. May you shine on, you crazy diamond. See you this morning, or, perhaps, this afternoon.