I dated a guy for three months. We could talk about anything, had so much in common it was spooky, and the sexual chemistry was amazing. I fell hard, so I told him I loved him--and he freaked.
Like everyone else, he's had his share of relationships that went horribly wrong. He's afraid of hurting someone else and being hurt, and he doesn't want to let go, either; he wants to remain friends.
I saw him this past weekend, and we're both miserable about being apart. He asked me to please e-mail and call, but I hear from him only when I make the first move. Basically, I've been getting a lot of mixed messages.
If he needs to dial this back to a friendship level while he works through some issues, I'm willing to deal with my heartache and be there for him. But for all I know, this is his cowardly way of ending the relationship.
I'm afraid if i go along with this (while not-so-secretly hoping he comes back), I'll wind up "the good buddy" as I watch him date other people. Meanwhile, I'm in limbo. We're not dating, but we're not broken up, either. Any advice?
Dear L.S., why do women always read their man so perfectly? Yes, your man "wants to remain friends." Why else would he never contact you? Yes, I'm sure your sexual chemistry was just spooky, er, amazing. And yes, he must be afraid of hurting other people. Gosh, I bet he's so sensitive. Boy, I'm sure he wasn't blowing fuck-me-now smoke when he told you he was miserable, surprise! just like you. I'll bet a ton of money that you said you were miserable right before he affirmed the same on his part.
You may have sensed some sarcasm above. Your man is not "cowardly" trying to end this relationship. Au contrair! he is being a forthright and honest young man. He wants occasional casual sex with you, but does not want to deal with the baggage that all women bring. Your "I love you" move was this. He also does not want to "date." Of course he'd never hurt your feelings by dating another woman with you right there, as the "good friend," as you put it. If anything, he would do this as a last-ditch effort to get both your head and your pussy fuming hot with pent-up sexual rage and jealousy for a night of fantastic sex (two orgasms in the night, one shag in the morning--"Top o' the mornin' to ya!". Yes, this is accurate picture of your man.
So, L.S., read your man correctly. You say "I love you" to him, and he freaks. That means that he does not want love to be a part of your sexual arrangement. Yes, he, like all of us, has had his fair share of bad relationships. It turns out that he is one of the smart ones: he's learned his lesson. He understands that sex and desire are the fuels with which to run one's internal combustion engine. Love doesn't have anything to do with it. The machine itself is love, not the "relationship love" that so destroys countless relationships, or, one could say, arrangements.
So, women go too far and men don't go far enough. Either deal with that fact or cut yourself off from this sensitive man that is interested in sex but not in love. He's still sensitive. He can still satisfy you, and you him. My advice is to not hassle him with love and heartfelt admissions of love, which is actually infatuation. When you have sex with him, imagine your pussy to be a powerful snare, not unlike a lasso, with which you may subdue his every desire for other sexual partners. Ride him, scream, scratch and claw your way to making him pussy whipped.
And, for the record, real men do not have "issues." Men compartmentalize things, like feelings over here and sexual fantasies over there. No crossover. Wanting to have sex with no strings attached is not an "issue." It's your call, if you want sovereignty over this man, to use this Achilles heel of his and to make him yours.
--"Bad Advice" is written by Adam
Bad Advice: Why do Women Always Read Their Man Perfectly?
No profanes - sacred