From H.S.C.: My wife of five months has left me. One Sunday we were fine, and the next day she was gone. No call, no note, nothing. It has been about a month, and she still won't talk to me. We never had a fight or argument, and all of our friends are as baffled as I am. Everyone tells me I was a model husband, worked hard, was always supportive and loving. This is her second marriage. (Her first ended in divorce.) She is now 23, and I am 30. I wish I knew what went wrong. We dated for almost two years before marriage. Any advice?
H.S.C., I can offer you little more than retrospective advice and chastise you for your stupidity. Let me guess, your wife had a relatively unremarkable life up until her first failed marriage. She probably went to some community college, but never finished, or went to a four-year school and left after the first semester with failing grades. She drank too much, fucked a bunch of guys, had deep personal issues with trust--because she's never really learned how to treat another person in a normal, respectful way. Her employment history is scattered--moving form job to job in the same mall, then some restaurant work, clerking at who knows where. She thought she could quell the fire inside by attaching herself to other men. That failed completely the first time, because the guy she married was of a similar age, and he ran out emotionally, couldn't take the heat of this emotional, dependent woman. Then you met her, were a bit older. She thought she'd try to be dependent on you for a while. Well, she's got deep-seated personal issues. Let this fish get away.
And H.S.C., you don't need your friends to tell you that you were a good loving supportive husband. Of course you knew that you were. But your future ex-wife is a crazy bird. She's moved from job to job, school to school. Now that she's in her twenties she needs to graduate to moving from city to city, then once she's got a couple dollars, country to country even.
You did all that you could, but you were not a match in terms of maturity. Some people ain't built for the homey life of domesticity and animal husbandry. At 23, your woman is finding out who she is. She needs the passion of affairs, disappearing into obscurity, her hair in the wind on the open road, booze, cigarettes, a Man and no future and no past.
Let her roam free and make light of your time together with her in ten years.
--Adam S. writes Bad Advice