From L.A.O.: My boyfriend, "Arnold," and have lived together two years. During the four years that we've known each other, we have had only five or six really bad, screaming, door-slamming, crying fights about relatively important subjects like children and money.
Arnold told me yesterday morning that he would be playing soccer with friends after work, and to expect him home a little later than usual. When he wasn't home by 10:30 p.m., I panicked because he's usually home from games by 7. His cell phone was turned off, so I called a co-worker to try to locate him. Ten minutes later, Arnold walked in the door. When he heard I had called a co-worker trying to locate him, he got very angry. He raised his voice, called me "psycho," and said I had no right to know where he was every minute.
I am very upset because I have no idea why he got so angry. Did I overreact? Is this a bad sign for our future?
I am impressed by your boyfriend's show of restraint. Indeed you did overreact, and you are definitely a psycho. Your boyfriend gave you much forewarning about how he'd be arriving late. It doesn't matter if he what he told you was low on detail; you needed to allow him to be where he wanted to be. He told you he'd be late!
By calling a co-worker of his, you have solidified your role as crazy, pathetic, dependent psycho girlfriend--not only with your boyfriend (who knew this all along), but now with his co-workers. You might as well have waltzed into his workplace and scolded him for not putting the toilet seat down, and told him to be home by 5:10 p.m., not 5:15 p.m. However, I think your move was a good one for the relationship. Now your boyfriend knows how ultra-high-maintenance your really are, and can act accordingly. It's not that you or he is a bad person; you both acted according to your natures; it's now up to the both of you to deal with what you now know about each other.
Really, the ball is in his court. That's why your actions were so stupid. If he's a guy that would rather have someone worrying about him, then you're the gal for him. Some people need that loyalty. But if he's a guy that doesn't want that, and doesn't want to ever worry about where his girlfriend is, and maybe even wants an open relationship at times so that he can pursue his crushes, you are definitely not that person.
I think that you need to gamble at casinos more--I mean, you should really understand odds better. How many people go to casinos? Hundreds of thousands. How many walk out rich? Oh so few. The chances of your boyfriend getting hurt--which is what you were worrying about--are on a similar scale. Of 100,000 people that go to a casino regularly, only one will strike it big. Your boyfriend doesn't do dangerous things often--in other words, he doesn't even go to the casino regularly. The chances of his getting hurt are so absolutely thin (and staying out until 10:30 p.m. is not goddamn late!) that your actions were entirely unjustified. You are anxiety prone and ultra-high-maintenance; worry about something worth worrying about--take action on things that can be acted upon. Your boyfriend's not lucky enough to get killed in a violent accident.
--Adam S. writes "Bad Advice"